Is it bad that I've only shopped for my child online? I have yet to set foot in a Babies R Us or Buy Buy Baby. I've stopped in a local shop but ended up talking to the store owner for an hour on cloth diapers and didn't do much "shopping."In fact, I walked out of there having bought two wool balls that go in the dryer to help your clothes dry more quickly. Nothing for baby.
Stores like Buy Buy Baby scare me. "Great Prices", "Sales" "Bargain Bins" all give me a little anxiety in a place that sells nothing but baby items. Are they really on sale or is everything else just jacked up so that I feel like I'm getting a deal? Does the sale bin mean something is wrong with it or got bad reviews? Some women refer to it as the mecca of baby stores, but how does a person choose anything when faced with 100 strollers to choose from? Phew, I'm tired and my feet are aching just from thinking about it.
I created my registry online. I've done all my research online. I bought everything for the nursery online (aside from the occasional thrifted item and things I already had/saved). I compared ratings and reviews and watched YouTube videos on products. Does this make me a lazy mom/person?
I can't help but notice moms and moms-to-be on Facebook raving about shopping at these baby stores and having a blast creating their registry. I had a ton of fun doing that with Matt when we created our wedding registry at certain stores, however I feel like so much of the "need to have" baby items out there are just a way to get me to spend money on things I'll never use. Don't get me wrong. This girl LOVES to shop. Pretty packaging and smart and creative branding has a way of wooing me. Maybe I just know myself. Maybe I'm just subconsciously playing defense against my shopping self? Or maybe stores like that bring out the indecisive Lindsay. That Lindsay, when surfaced, usually brings out the worst. And we already know what that can be/feel like. No thanks, said everybody.
P.S. 34 going on 35 weeks!
Monday, May 13, 2013
Monday, May 6, 2013
Tearful Days
I probably could have watered my plants with the amount of tears I produced this weekend. Obviously tears are too salty for plants, but that was an attempt of an analogy, people.
Pregnancy hormones are not to be messed with. In general, I would say 90% of the time I'm stable, calm, collected (albeit tired), levelheaded and easygoing. The other 10%... well, you better watch out. For me, it's like PMS, but on steroids and with a side of crazy.
My reasons for being upset this weekend were valid, yes, but the way I felt was as though the world would cave in and swallow me with it. I'd like to think that if I weren't pregnant I would have been able to see through the clouds only after a few hours; like it does normally to get over things. However, it took every ounce of my energy and every minute of this weekend. Truth is, I still feel residual fatigue.
At one moment during my tear fest, I had a side thought and wondered if this is anything close to what PPD feels like? If so, then I'm SCARED. Then I got to thinking that my little episode would probably only scratch the surface of how PPD affects women. Then I feared - for women who do and would have to get through PPD.
I've read depression during pregnancy can happen. I wouldn't label myself depressed, but I would say I have definite low days. There is so much "new" I'm experiencing, emotionally, physically and mentally and it is taxing. It is difficult at times when the closest person to me is the opposite sex and could never fully understand what I'm going through. I have looked to my mother, friends and those who are currently pregnant, and while they are all insightful, the reality is that each experience is different. Sure, we share a common bond, but there is a level to which we can't take ownership as to what another is feeling. It is theirs, and mine is mine. And there are days when it is lonely.
Pregnancy hormones are not to be messed with. In general, I would say 90% of the time I'm stable, calm, collected (albeit tired), levelheaded and easygoing. The other 10%... well, you better watch out. For me, it's like PMS, but on steroids and with a side of crazy.
My reasons for being upset this weekend were valid, yes, but the way I felt was as though the world would cave in and swallow me with it. I'd like to think that if I weren't pregnant I would have been able to see through the clouds only after a few hours; like it does normally to get over things. However, it took every ounce of my energy and every minute of this weekend. Truth is, I still feel residual fatigue.
At one moment during my tear fest, I had a side thought and wondered if this is anything close to what PPD feels like? If so, then I'm SCARED. Then I got to thinking that my little episode would probably only scratch the surface of how PPD affects women. Then I feared - for women who do and would have to get through PPD.
I've read depression during pregnancy can happen. I wouldn't label myself depressed, but I would say I have definite low days. There is so much "new" I'm experiencing, emotionally, physically and mentally and it is taxing. It is difficult at times when the closest person to me is the opposite sex and could never fully understand what I'm going through. I have looked to my mother, friends and those who are currently pregnant, and while they are all insightful, the reality is that each experience is different. Sure, we share a common bond, but there is a level to which we can't take ownership as to what another is feeling. It is theirs, and mine is mine. And there are days when it is lonely.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Midwifery
The other day I interviewed a midwife in the interest of potentially transferring from my OBGYN to her practice.
As I get closer to 40 weeks, I'm more and more sure of my wanting to give birth naturally and without pain intervention by way of medicine. While I like my OB as a person and respect him immensely, we don't align when it comes to how one views labor and birth (go figure I find this out after 32 weeks. Rookie). He tends to lean toward pain intervention as soon as possible as well as the thinking that a woman should dilate a cm an hour and if not other steps are taken to move you along (Read: pitocin, c-section) Everything I'm reading and learning about says that first time moms can be in labor for 20 hours or longer and as long as baby and mom are ok that time frame is ok. While some women feel as though they would like for their labor to end as quickly as possible, I want to experience it, pain, length and all. The whole process from conception to birth is absolutely miraculous and I want to experience my bodies raw instinct to do what it was made made for. My whole life has been leading up to this point, and gosh darn it, I'm never fun to be around when I'm rushed (ask my husband).
My worst fear in labor is that I'm rushed into a procedure unnecessarily; that I'm not given all of the options but the one opinion and option that my OB wants. I need full disclosure to feel comfortable. I know I have no control as to what/how my body will react, however, I want to know all of my options and make the best decision for me and baby during that time. I fear that my OB will just choose based upon his (granted, very educated) very obstetrical (Read: surgeon) practice.
Midwives are trained in everything labor and delivery EXCEPT when it's time for a c-section. They tend to aire on the side of natural birth. They are taught counter-pressure for when contractions are exceptionally uncomfortable and painful. They support other birthing positions that make the most biological sense, i.e. standing, on all fours, squatting etc. They tend to utilize water/ baths as a way of relaxation and they are trained to help coach women through their contractions rather than dangle the carrot of pain meds.
Personally, I tend to lean toward an all natural lifestyle and the way of the midwives just fits me better. So, what if things go wrong and I need a c-section? I'm immediately sent to their partnering physicians and they take care of me and baby just as my OB would.
I feel guilty for leaving my doctor after all the attention and kindness he has shown me, but then again, I'm the one pregnant and having a baby.
p.s. I highly recommend you watch the documentary, The Business of Being Born.
As I get closer to 40 weeks, I'm more and more sure of my wanting to give birth naturally and without pain intervention by way of medicine. While I like my OB as a person and respect him immensely, we don't align when it comes to how one views labor and birth (go figure I find this out after 32 weeks. Rookie). He tends to lean toward pain intervention as soon as possible as well as the thinking that a woman should dilate a cm an hour and if not other steps are taken to move you along (Read: pitocin, c-section) Everything I'm reading and learning about says that first time moms can be in labor for 20 hours or longer and as long as baby and mom are ok that time frame is ok. While some women feel as though they would like for their labor to end as quickly as possible, I want to experience it, pain, length and all. The whole process from conception to birth is absolutely miraculous and I want to experience my bodies raw instinct to do what it was made made for. My whole life has been leading up to this point, and gosh darn it, I'm never fun to be around when I'm rushed (ask my husband).
My worst fear in labor is that I'm rushed into a procedure unnecessarily; that I'm not given all of the options but the one opinion and option that my OB wants. I need full disclosure to feel comfortable. I know I have no control as to what/how my body will react, however, I want to know all of my options and make the best decision for me and baby during that time. I fear that my OB will just choose based upon his (granted, very educated) very obstetrical (Read: surgeon) practice.
Midwives are trained in everything labor and delivery EXCEPT when it's time for a c-section. They tend to aire on the side of natural birth. They are taught counter-pressure for when contractions are exceptionally uncomfortable and painful. They support other birthing positions that make the most biological sense, i.e. standing, on all fours, squatting etc. They tend to utilize water/ baths as a way of relaxation and they are trained to help coach women through their contractions rather than dangle the carrot of pain meds.
Personally, I tend to lean toward an all natural lifestyle and the way of the midwives just fits me better. So, what if things go wrong and I need a c-section? I'm immediately sent to their partnering physicians and they take care of me and baby just as my OB would.
I feel guilty for leaving my doctor after all the attention and kindness he has shown me, but then again, I'm the one pregnant and having a baby.
p.s. I highly recommend you watch the documentary, The Business of Being Born.
Monday, April 22, 2013
Poop Catchers
Matt and I unintentionally spent over an hour at a local baby store called The Giggling Green Bean this past weekend. Our eyes have opened (wide) to world of cloth diapers and what it entails in the year 2013. Let me tell you A LOT has changed and for the better. It's totally do-able (well it always has been) but they have evolved into today's society of "necessary" convenience.
Did you know:
Parents use approximately 3,800 disposable diapers in one year (hello landfill)? That adds up to approximately ONE THOUSAND dollars in poop catchers. The average disposable wearing baby starts potty training around year 2 (take a moment to calculate...).
Now, you'll need a total of 24 cloth diapers for the entirety of your baby's diapering needs. That could add up to approximately $500...total. Also, none of them reach the stink-pot landfill.
Those statistics alone made Matt speechless. He was ready to learn more. So we dug deeper. We asked about hygiene and sanitation; we looked at at least 5 different types of cloth diapers; we learned about caring and upkeep of the diapers... we even learned that many babies who wear cloth diapers are more likely to start potty training early... as soon as 1 year! That is due to the baby being more aware of it's bodily functions because the diaper doesn't wick away all the moisture.
We walked out of there amazed and empowered that maybe we could go this route for our boy. I was so proud of Matt. He said he's "all in" and that's a HUGE statement coming from someone who told me he'll have to ease into handling poopy diapers only a couple weeks ago. The fact that he's willing to take the extra step and go cloth... well, let's just say I respect my hubs more and more each day and am thankful I have a truly wonderful and supportive man as my partner in life.. catching poop and all.
Did you know:
Parents use approximately 3,800 disposable diapers in one year (hello landfill)? That adds up to approximately ONE THOUSAND dollars in poop catchers. The average disposable wearing baby starts potty training around year 2 (take a moment to calculate...).
Now, you'll need a total of 24 cloth diapers for the entirety of your baby's diapering needs. That could add up to approximately $500...total. Also, none of them reach the stink-pot landfill.
Those statistics alone made Matt speechless. He was ready to learn more. So we dug deeper. We asked about hygiene and sanitation; we looked at at least 5 different types of cloth diapers; we learned about caring and upkeep of the diapers... we even learned that many babies who wear cloth diapers are more likely to start potty training early... as soon as 1 year! That is due to the baby being more aware of it's bodily functions because the diaper doesn't wick away all the moisture.
We walked out of there amazed and empowered that maybe we could go this route for our boy. I was so proud of Matt. He said he's "all in" and that's a HUGE statement coming from someone who told me he'll have to ease into handling poopy diapers only a couple weeks ago. The fact that he's willing to take the extra step and go cloth... well, let's just say I respect my hubs more and more each day and am thankful I have a truly wonderful and supportive man as my partner in life.. catching poop and all.
Pregnancy & Dreams
Pregnancy dreams are wild. I read that things can become vivid and seem real. But I didn't read or hear about how on top of being vivid and seemingly "real" they are also wildly fantastic and ridiculous! They started early on and have become increasingly outrageous the closer I get to full term. I've dreamed some pretty incredible stories so far. Some dreams are scary and cause me a little anxiety, but I think I'd be a little strange if anxiety wasn't in the mix of emotions I ride out on a daily basis. It's not like I've done this before. This is my first pregnancy rodeo!
Dreams to note:
- I was a black woman
- Fonzie was the same but the size of a horse. And I was walking him. Not riding him, like you would a horse. Kind of like Clifford The Big Red Dog.
- Many people from my past joining on my adventures
- Worrisome dreams that I'll end up alone
- Stressful dreams that I need to escape from my job
- Scary dreams that something is wrong or happens to the baby
- Funny dreams where I wake up smiling or laughing
- Zombies
It's amazing just how vivid and vibrant these dreams are. If only I could capture them.
Lindsay
p.s. I'm 31 weeks today :)
Dreams to note:
- I was a black woman
- Fonzie was the same but the size of a horse. And I was walking him. Not riding him, like you would a horse. Kind of like Clifford The Big Red Dog.
- Many people from my past joining on my adventures
- Worrisome dreams that I'll end up alone
- Stressful dreams that I need to escape from my job
- Scary dreams that something is wrong or happens to the baby
- Funny dreams where I wake up smiling or laughing
- Zombies
It's amazing just how vivid and vibrant these dreams are. If only I could capture them.
Lindsay
p.s. I'm 31 weeks today :)
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Hey Baby
Hey Baby,
We are almost 30 weeks strong! I sure am proud of us. You are kicking up a storm! Boom, pow, squish, flip, your movements are stronger and more pronounced than ever. You make my stomach morph into lopsided shapes, and it couldn't make me happier. Just the other night, your dad was amazed and felt how strong you've become. Keep it up! Your room is coming together with the design sense of your mama and the strength of your papa. I hope you like all the animal friends hanging out in your room. We'll name them together. I even saved a few of my childhood stuffed and fluffy friends. They will love you too. I can't wait to rock you in our rocker. I say "our" because it's the same one I was once rocked in. It's had a facelift since the 80's but it's the same ol' guy. Some things to note about you and me at this stage of "baking:"
- I am mucho sleepy again just like we were in the beginning.
- My vision has markedly gotten worse. I can tell most when I'm typing on the computer
- You wake up early in the morning for your 4 a.m. kickboxing session
- I can't bend over with comfort any longer.
- Your dad has to help me into the shower as my balance is wonky.
- I drink a bazillion glasses of water a day and still my skin is dry. That's okay, you take all the H2O you need.
- I've gained 16 pounds and passed my glucose test. Victory is ours.
- Your dad says he likes my newly, more voluptuous, brazier size ;), my back, however, does not.
- I walk funny now. It resembles a penguin.
10 more weeks, my sweet boy. Love you forever,
Mama
We are almost 30 weeks strong! I sure am proud of us. You are kicking up a storm! Boom, pow, squish, flip, your movements are stronger and more pronounced than ever. You make my stomach morph into lopsided shapes, and it couldn't make me happier. Just the other night, your dad was amazed and felt how strong you've become. Keep it up! Your room is coming together with the design sense of your mama and the strength of your papa. I hope you like all the animal friends hanging out in your room. We'll name them together. I even saved a few of my childhood stuffed and fluffy friends. They will love you too. I can't wait to rock you in our rocker. I say "our" because it's the same one I was once rocked in. It's had a facelift since the 80's but it's the same ol' guy. Some things to note about you and me at this stage of "baking:"
- I am mucho sleepy again just like we were in the beginning.
- My vision has markedly gotten worse. I can tell most when I'm typing on the computer
- You wake up early in the morning for your 4 a.m. kickboxing session
- I can't bend over with comfort any longer.
- Your dad has to help me into the shower as my balance is wonky.
- I drink a bazillion glasses of water a day and still my skin is dry. That's okay, you take all the H2O you need.
- I've gained 16 pounds and passed my glucose test. Victory is ours.
- Your dad says he likes my newly, more voluptuous, brazier size ;), my back, however, does not.
- I walk funny now. It resembles a penguin.
10 more weeks, my sweet boy. Love you forever,
Mama
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Week 28
I've made it to 28 weeks and boy do I have a belly to show for it. I haven't had ultrasounds since the scare and so I'm praying my belly is proof I have a growing and healthy baby boy in there just doing what he needs to do.
In these last couple of weeks, I've found myself in a state of contemplation more than usual. I find myself deeply buried in my mind thinking about all the changes my body is going through and my baby.
With an ever-growing belly, my body-size awareness has altered. I'm acutely aware that I'm larger and carrying precious cargo and it has made me much more cautious (obviously slower) when doing normal things like stepping into the shower, or even crossing the street. It's not so much that my balance is off (okay it is a little) but that I'm carrying another life along for the ride. One slip, or misjudgment affects so much more than me. And then I think, "welcome to the rest of your life, Lindsay." This is just a small reality of the truth moving forward (I can almost hear my mom saying this to me).
Shifting gears to the baby. I can keep him safe while he's nestled inside of me. But the fear I feel thinking about all the craziness in life the little guy will have to witness, participate and learn from, at times, is enough to send someone into panic mode. Yesterday, a couple of men sharing the same corner of the sidewalk waiting to cross the street (who looked to be coming down from a high of some sort and by the looks of it, I would guess meth) were discussing ways to stab another. You know, a normal conversation between two people. One of them saw me in the corner of his eye and turned to ask me if I had any spare change. My reaction was to put a protective hand over my belly and I answered "no." My answer was not because it was the truth, but because I was a little frightened by his overall state. My reaction was instinctual. When the light changed so that we could cross the street, I kept the protective hand over my son and immediately said a prayer for those two men. I threw in a prayer for their mothers and then I prayed for my son. My heart hurt for my son and the temptations in life he will have to experience. For a moment, I feared for my baby to have to come into this world. And yet, all I can do is strive to be a good steward and teacher, just like my mother was to me.
In these last couple of weeks, I've found myself in a state of contemplation more than usual. I find myself deeply buried in my mind thinking about all the changes my body is going through and my baby.
With an ever-growing belly, my body-size awareness has altered. I'm acutely aware that I'm larger and carrying precious cargo and it has made me much more cautious (obviously slower) when doing normal things like stepping into the shower, or even crossing the street. It's not so much that my balance is off (okay it is a little) but that I'm carrying another life along for the ride. One slip, or misjudgment affects so much more than me. And then I think, "welcome to the rest of your life, Lindsay." This is just a small reality of the truth moving forward (I can almost hear my mom saying this to me).
Shifting gears to the baby. I can keep him safe while he's nestled inside of me. But the fear I feel thinking about all the craziness in life the little guy will have to witness, participate and learn from, at times, is enough to send someone into panic mode. Yesterday, a couple of men sharing the same corner of the sidewalk waiting to cross the street (who looked to be coming down from a high of some sort and by the looks of it, I would guess meth) were discussing ways to stab another. You know, a normal conversation between two people. One of them saw me in the corner of his eye and turned to ask me if I had any spare change. My reaction was to put a protective hand over my belly and I answered "no." My answer was not because it was the truth, but because I was a little frightened by his overall state. My reaction was instinctual. When the light changed so that we could cross the street, I kept the protective hand over my son and immediately said a prayer for those two men. I threw in a prayer for their mothers and then I prayed for my son. My heart hurt for my son and the temptations in life he will have to experience. For a moment, I feared for my baby to have to come into this world. And yet, all I can do is strive to be a good steward and teacher, just like my mother was to me.
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