On finding a new norm.

Thomas is three months old. I feel like every other person that has once said, "where does the time go?", but seriously, where the heck did it go?

These last three months have been the hardest and most rewarding three months of my life so far. It beats out the time I moved to a different state the summer after my 7th grade year. It definitley beats out that time I was grounded in high school from running track for part of the season because my grades were sub par (my whole entire world collapsed, people). It beats out that time I decided to transfer colleges mid stream because I wanted a different experience (And boy, did I get one!). It beats out that time I decided to end my very serious, almost married, college relationship and move to a different state where I knew no one. In those moments from the past, I grew and learned a life lesson. At the time, when those events happened, they were the hardest thing for me to face and have lent a hand in shaping who I am.

Becoming a parent trumps it all. I'm realizing the kind of stuff I'm made of. I'm realizing, I'm pretty dang resilient (I mean, if I can't toot my own horn on my blog, then what the heck). I'm proud of myself and my husband. We've proved to be a pretty great team. I mean, I knew that, but now I KNOW it. We've also had to find a new norm.

I'm adjusting to a new pace of life. Pre-baby pace: lightning speed and getting a lot done in little time.  Current pace: painstakingly slow with little accomplishments.  Not because I'm sluggish, but because it takes much longer to get anything done now that we have a baby. I know it'll get better, but I'm still learning about what works and what doesn't and still trying to become efficent.  Some days, effienciency just isn't going to happen. In fact, some days, absolutely nothing gets accomplished. My problem, is that I have to learn to accept it. As someone who has been swept up by society's standards of "success" meaning, "faster, faster, faster, work, work, work, do, do, do" this whole, taking each day, no, each hour, at a time is alien to me.

"But Lindsay, you just had a baby." I know. I hear you. In fact, I just told my sister-in-law the same thing.

I want to be everything, do everything, and "change the world", but right now, I just need to be Thomas' mama. I'm learning that those little moments like when he started to hold his head up, and is falling into a sleeping pattern and he now loves taking baths are the huge accomplishments for me and for him. I'm learning that being mama is totally enough right now.