Oh Hello, Sister

Hey there,

I've joined forces/voices with my  4 sisters and now will be blogging over there from now on. Check us out at Oh Hello, Sister ! We are each in different stages in life and are sharing all sorts of random goodness. See you over there!

Lindsay

Sister visits and a birthday.

My sister, Kianna, came to visit! This was cause for much celebration as it was her first meeting with Thomas. He instantly loved his "nana" (the name we've called her since childhood) and they took to each other like peanut butter and jelly. Or if you're us, chile sugar powder on watermelon lollipops (don't ask).

Sister bonding is good, good food for the soul. We talked our faces off all the while taking good care of the little dude, of course. Speaking of taking care, she's a natural. It got to the point where she'd walk in the room and Thomas would smile. Let me tell you, that's a true test and she passed with flying colors.

We went to visit our other sister, Kira, at CSU, and ate at the infamous mexican restaurant, The Rio Grande; infamous for their margs... based on experience. We also stopped by to see our brother, Cody, at CU Boulder where we perused Pearl Street and made an obligatory stop at Rocket Fizz where we indulged in the aforementioned chile watermelon lollipops.  We took walks and shopped and watched one too many episodes of Once (so dang good).

The last day of her visit happened to be my birthday! We celebrated with morning waffles at Waffle Brothers, followed by some thrifting/flea marketing at the Horseshoe Market. Later that evening, friends and family gathered for a special dinner at Tamayo. A perfect day, in my book.

Trip 29 around the sun is going to be grand. Thanks sis for coming to visit! We miss you!

Me, doing what I do. 

Kira, checking her Instagram "likes" because, duh, you have to check up on those things.

A very necessary margarita. Mangoberry style.

Uncle "Ody" being the coolest.

Birthday picture, family style. Also, very tired.

Picture stolen from Kira's IG. Thanks sis!

On finding a new norm.

Thomas is three months old. I feel like every other person that has once said, "where does the time go?", but seriously, where the heck did it go?

These last three months have been the hardest and most rewarding three months of my life so far. It beats out the time I moved to a different state the summer after my 7th grade year. It definitley beats out that time I was grounded in high school from running track for part of the season because my grades were sub par (my whole entire world collapsed, people). It beats out that time I decided to transfer colleges mid stream because I wanted a different experience (And boy, did I get one!). It beats out that time I decided to end my very serious, almost married, college relationship and move to a different state where I knew no one. In those moments from the past, I grew and learned a life lesson. At the time, when those events happened, they were the hardest thing for me to face and have lent a hand in shaping who I am.

Becoming a parent trumps it all. I'm realizing the kind of stuff I'm made of. I'm realizing, I'm pretty dang resilient (I mean, if I can't toot my own horn on my blog, then what the heck). I'm proud of myself and my husband. We've proved to be a pretty great team. I mean, I knew that, but now I KNOW it. We've also had to find a new norm.

I'm adjusting to a new pace of life. Pre-baby pace: lightning speed and getting a lot done in little time.  Current pace: painstakingly slow with little accomplishments.  Not because I'm sluggish, but because it takes much longer to get anything done now that we have a baby. I know it'll get better, but I'm still learning about what works and what doesn't and still trying to become efficent.  Some days, effienciency just isn't going to happen. In fact, some days, absolutely nothing gets accomplished. My problem, is that I have to learn to accept it. As someone who has been swept up by society's standards of "success" meaning, "faster, faster, faster, work, work, work, do, do, do" this whole, taking each day, no, each hour, at a time is alien to me.

"But Lindsay, you just had a baby." I know. I hear you. In fact, I just told my sister-in-law the same thing.

I want to be everything, do everything, and "change the world", but right now, I just need to be Thomas' mama. I'm learning that those little moments like when he started to hold his head up, and is falling into a sleeping pattern and he now loves taking baths are the huge accomplishments for me and for him. I'm learning that being mama is totally enough right now.

Friends and a wedding in Aspen!

We had never been to Aspen even though it's only 3 hours away.  Our friends, Amanda and Charlie, gave the best excuse to go and check it out. Talk about an absolutely Pinterestingly perfect wedding venue/backdrop. It was a gorgeous fall day. But not as gorgeous as the bride! 

It was so good to catch up with dear friends. As you can see below, Matt and his buddies love a good reason to play dress up. The other two are soon to be wed next year! Can't wait!

After the ceremony we took a quick jaunt to check out the Maroon Bells! They totally stood up to the hype. The Aspen's leaves were starting to turn yellow which made the whole event even more magical. 

Gosh, I love that man. And I mean, nothing is more sexy than when your husband is wearing your baby. 

One Year

Well folks, we made it. "We" as in me and Matt. On September 15, 2012, Matt and I said our "I do's forever" and we made our way down the aisle of marriage and life-partnership. On October, 8, 2012 we found out we were pregnant. On November 3, 2012 we adopted Fonzie, our furbaby. On June 29, 2013, we met said baby of said pregnancy.

Photo by Tyler Core

Photo by Leighellen Landskov

Just an average year... said no one. 

On our one year anniversary, we kept looking at each other and saying, "we made it!" Not meaning that we thought we weren't going to "make it" but just recognizing that this was a wild year to say the least. Talk about being in transition and learning new things. 

BUT GOSH DARN, HOLEY MOLEY, I am one happy/grateful/blessed/lucky woman to have Matt as my forever partner of lifetime. Best year ever...so far. Here's to the year "we made it" and the years to come, babe. I love you so hard, it hurts in the best way.

Welcome Thomas!: A Birth Story, Part 2

read part 1 here

By the time Jenna came to check on me, I could only lean over my ottoman and had to keep my eyes shut. I couldn't talk to anyone and I had to focus on getting through each contraction. After a couple minutes of watching me, Jenna said it was time to go to the hospital. Matt made the call to the midwife to inform them of our impending arrival. Sidenote: riding in the car, uneven roads and contractions are mortal enemies. Seriously uncomfortable.

We arrived at the hospital around 4:30 p.m. and were taken to triage where they assessed the stage of labor I was in. After the midwife checked my cervix, she annouces I'm 5 centimeters and 6 when in a contraction! I made my goal! She also said, "My dear, you're going to have a baby today, I'll call upstairs and have a room ready for you." The excitement of Thomas coming soon gave me a surge of energy and I felt renewed to go at it for another few hours. Contractions were still going strong at 2 minutes apart.

The first thing I wanted to do as soon as I got to the labor and delivery room was get in the whirlpool tub. After I was checked again and introduced to those who would be assisting me, I got in the tub. OH MY wonderful heavens. It felt  EXTREMELY GOOD to be surrounded in water. These tubs aren't like your tub at home (or at least my tub). It was much deeper and could be filled all the way to my chin. Having the water take some weight off my body really helped to manage the contractions. Jenna dimmed the lights and even set up LED tealights to help create a relaxing environment. For every contraction I went to my hands and knees and would breathe out a low "ooooohhhhhhhhhhh"  and would sit back down in between. Matt was on water patrol and would make sure I kept my fluids up. He was also a positive voice in my ear continuing to tell me I was strong and doing great. Jenna would talk me through every contraction and remind me I was made to do this. She would also slip me food when the midwife and nurse weren't looking (they don't like for you to eat in case there is an emergency, however I really needed the extra energy).  My mom was a quiet strength in the room and I could feel her prayers surround me.

I stayed in this posture the remainder of my laboring. I remember the midwife checking my cervix after having been there two hours declaring I was 8 centimeters! Jenna recommended I try to sit on the toilet since that's a place where one is used to relaxing to allow nature to take it's course. I gave it a try and soon after pronounced I was going to poop! If I hadn't already, I had officially lost all modesty and went about my business (Again, real life). That's truly a memory I'd like to forget, but don't think I will. I decided I better get back in the tub.

Another couple hours later the midwife checked me again. I was 10 centimeters and ready to push! I had to stay on the hospital bed where my mom and doula held my legs and I held onto a bar in front of me (awkward at first). They told me that when my contractions start to make me bear down, to go with it and really give it my all. It took a couple pushes to get the hang of where to focus my energy but once I figured it out, I could tell I was making progress because everyones faces would light up and Matt was saying, "I can see his head! You're doing it!"

The pain at this point was more than I could have ever prepared for. Admittedly, I was scared. I knew he was mere centimeters from being born, but the burning sensation (lovingly referred to as the "ring of fire") is a very real thing and I wanted to stop. After exclaiming "NO NO NO" I was told, "YES, YES, YES, only one more push!" I sat back and took a moment. I had to have a short mental conversation with myself that I had to do this. I had to. There was no other option. The goal was Thomas. I was going to meet Thomas.

I sat back up and with something animalistic I didn't know I had, I pushed very vocally and he came out! Thomas was here! Matt got to deliver him. My midwife allowed him to assist in "catching" Thomas as he entered the world. So amazing. So miraculous. I had done it. We had done it.

Thomas Harlan Melander was born June 29, 2013 at 9:06 p.m. He weighed 7lbs 3 oz. and cried and peed simultaneously upon arrival. That's my boy.

Vaccination

Vaccines are such a controversial subject these days. Having worked with kids with autism, I fall into the category of skeptics myself. As his mother, I want to protect him with all I have. So do I protect him from the crazy illness' he could contract or the potential of a mental disability? It's no easy choice. And one that's racked my brain years before I ever conceived. As you know already, I'm not exactly "Connie Conventional" and so I sought out a Pediatrician who isn't either. After a conversation about my worries and the pros and cons, he recommended I look into the Sears schedule for vaccines. Having already read a couple publications from the Sears family and mostly agreeing with their viewpoints, I went for it.

I have to say, now that I've read The Vaccine Book, I'm feeling better having all the facts- bad and good and I've decided upon the way I will go about it for my family. 

I feel very blessed to have a Ped doc who is open to these ideas and to be in a position where I can make alternative choices.

I highly recommend The Vaccine Book by Robert Sears. He offers more than one way to go about vaccines. Thomas' two month appointment came a lot quicker than I was ready for. He had his first vaccine today and he's currently sound asleep in my arms while I type this on my phone (hooray for the blogger app!). I'll hold him all day if I need to. And I just might need to, for my own sake. 

Welcome Thomas!: A Birth Story, Part 1

I woke up, Friday June 28 in a calm state and snuggled next to my love while he still caught a few more z's. At this point I was two days passed my due date. I lay there quietly having a mental conversation with my unborn son. "Today is the day, Thomas. It's time for you to come out. This is your mama and I want to meet you. It's time. Please start your journey." I was calm, yes, but I was ready. More than ready, I was done. I had reached the end of my perverbial rope and I needed Thomas to come out. My body had reached it's limit, and I felt overbaked. Yes, overbaked is the right word. I can't think of a better word so, overbaked is what you get.

I went about my business that day, you know doing normal things like mowing the lawn with a push mower; the old school type that's just a rotating blade. I cleaned the house and went on a long walk. Okay, so these might not be "normal" things to do when you're 40 weeks and couple days pregnant, but if my conversation with Thomas didn't make a point, I was bound and determined by being "active" (I was moving at a snails pace and not very often at that).

Below is a completely unflattering picture of me at the end, all swollen with fluid, pruning the bushes, as you do, just in case you need a visual. I will probably regret sharing this picture some day, however, this is real life, people.

Later that evening, Matt and I met up with his co-workers at a mexican restaurant where I indulged in some spicy/hot enchiladas. About an hour into our time there and many helpings of nachos later, I wasn't feeling so well and it wasn't indigestion. I had felt the sensation before many times, but it felt a little different and I gave the "eye" to Matt signaling it's time to go home.

A while later I came to the realization that I was having consistent contractions. Ladies, for me, It felt exactly like menstrual cramps, although it would come in waves and lasting about 15-30 seconds. It was never scary and it was never "too much."It was just there, and definitely happening. I texted my doula and told her what was up. She told me I was in active labor and to try to rest and let her know if/when things pick up and contractions are closer together. In preperation for a long weekend, and finally meeting my son, My mom, Matt and I decided we would try to go to sleep. My contractions were about 10-15 minutes apart at this point and I did my best to ignore them and get some rest.

3 a.m. rolled around and a contraction wakes me from my sleep. I could no longer ignore my body. I wake Matt to let him know and I move to the couch for a change of scenery. My contractions are about 8 minutes apart. This goes on until about 9 a.m. I keep my doula, Jenna, informed.

Jenna stops by around 10 a.m. to see how I'm doing and she wants to watch me go through a few contractions to gauge what my pain levels are and to see how I'm holding up. At this point the only "comfortable" position is for me to lean over the bed or get on my hands and knees when the contraction waves in and out. I was still able to hold somewhat of a conversation and because of that Jenna said, the best thing for me to do was to try as best as I could to rest in hopes of preserving some energy for the long haul. She pulled out her Mary Poppins bag and grabbed some esential oils and rubbed them on my forehead and neck to help me relax. She also gave me her iPod and a playlist of yoga music for me to listen to and tune out the noises of my house. I remember telling my mom that my goal was to make it to 5 or 6 centimeters by the time I went to the hospital.

I was able to stay resting on the couch for an hour or so, but I became pretty uncomfortable and decided I would try a bath. Matt drew a bath for me and unscrewed some of the lightbulbs in the bathroom so that the light wouldn't be so glaring. I continued to listen to the music and even dozed off for a few minutes. Unfortunately, my tail-bone could only stand about 20 minutes in the tub and it was back to the couch where I tried to rest a bit more while Matt ran some last minute errands.

While resting on the couch and going through contractions I realized I wasn't able to talk through them anymore. They had become more intense. I asked my mom if she thought they were getting closer together and so she started timing them. Sure enough, they were 2 and 3 minutes apart! I notified Jenna and texted Matt to come home imediately.



* I apologize for the delay as this took me many days and weeks to find the time to sit down and write. Needless to say, I don't have free time like I once did and that's taking some getting used to! However, I still have the itch to blog about my new job as a mama. Hope you stick around. Part 2 of Thomas' birth story on the way...

Mama's Hospital Bag

I've mentioned before that I've got my bags all packed and I think I'm ready to go! I've been having stronger contractions the last couple of days. Some are painful, some I hardly notice except for my belly becoming very hard and tight. Nothing is very consistent and obviously haven't led to full blown labor, however, I think baby is packing up shop and is preparing for his move-out any day now!

I had no idea what the heck to pack in my bag. I've soaked up suggestions from friends and a trusty Google search and below is what I've decided to go with.

For labor (all of these things I feel comfortable tossing after it's all said and done):

- A large tank top (men's size medium): easily removable and is long enough to cover my bum if I decide to only wear the tank when in the room.
- A flowy maternity skirt, short & black: to wear if I need to walk the halls, or want to be a bit more modest in the room but can also have easy access to whatever the midwife needs to see.
- Sports bras (a size up from what I normally wear): I'm bringing a couple to wear in the tub and if I just want to rock the sports bra instead of the tank.
- A robe: I've been told you can go from hot to cold and vice versa all throughout labor. A light robe might help the cause as well as keeping from flashing the nursing staff.
- Honey sticks: for a quick boost of energy. After all, they tell me this can take 20+ hours!
- Coconut water energy pouches: for an electrolyte boost and hydration.
- Red raspberry tea bags: I've been told this can help contractions be more efficient. I plan to have someone make it then put it over ice. I may be wrong, but hot tea sounds terrible while in labor.
- Chapstick: Breathing "HeeHeeHooo" during contractions (x's 100) can really make your lips dry... I found that out in my preggo class.
- A water bottle with a straw: A friend told me to have this handy between contractions to keep fluids up as well as moisten your throat.
- A massage tool: While in contractions, counter pressure feels so good. Matt's poor hands will get tired if he has to keep it up for 20+ hours. We bought a $3 massage tool to give his fingers and hands a rest.
- Socks: Although, I kind of like the ones they give you at the hospital because they have little traction pads on the bottom...
- Two big towels: I've been told that the hospital "towels" are the size of a washcloth.
- Music playlist to keep me going and hopefully help me to relax.

After birth:

- Nursing bras: no underwire
- Nursing tank tops: easy access
- Yoga pants: two pair
- Witch hazel spray: to numb the soreness/pain
- Witch hazel pads: in case I need new ones right that second and I don't want to wait for the nurse to give me more
- HUGE granny undies: two sizes too large. I probably will just wear the mesh undies at the hospital (these things are hideous and wonderful, people) but I figure if I need undies, I don't want them tight on my body.
- Another robe: in case the other is in the trash...
- Socks
- MaxiPads (extra, super, heavy duty): just in case. I hear the only way to go is using what the hospital has.
- Motherlove nipple butter: sore nipples and a sucking baby... you get the idea.
- Hair brush
- Shampoo/ Conditioner
- Toothbrush/ Toothpaste
- Lotion
- Snacks: in case I don't want what the hospital has
- Camera
- Phone Chargers

Hey veteran mama's, have I missed anything?

Slow Motion

"UHHH...Slow motion for me, slow motion for me, move it, slow motion for meeee..." (Holler at some Juvenile (who? and where is he now?) and 2002 high school days)

*I apologize in advance for the huge glass of whine and complain that's to follow...

In all seriousness, my life is in slow motion.

Nearing 38 weeks and I resemble a sloth.

"Just hangin', barely movin'...you say something?"

GIFSoup    

 A friend emailed me today and asked, "how are you feeling?" Instead of my normal, "chipper" response of, "pretty good considering!", I responded with"I feel tired like I was drugged with benadryl (but it's an IV drip that I can't turn off) and possibly like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka might have felt..." Probably a little too honest, but people, it's the gosh darn TRUTH.

I wish there was a better word than "fatigue", because it's just not working for me. I don't think it adequately describes the intensity of the the lethargy and sluggish feelings that wave over me throughout the day. You bet I took my lunch hour and passed out on the hard, cold ground of my office floor the other day. Just me and some commercial carpeting, all snug as a bug. I admit it and it was the best 40 minutes of that work day. No shame in that game.

My brain, my feet, my arms, my head, my mouth (the words coming out of it) and even my eyelids are too slow to respond with any normalcy. It's all mushy. And heavy. And sleeeeeeepy.  It's got me wondering if I'll have or recognize that "surge" of energy at the onset of labor I hear and read about. It's got me wondering if I'm going to sleep through it all! Okay okay, dramatic, I know.

It should be against the law to work during your third trimester!

p.s. People, 40 weeks equals 10 months, NOT 9! Why do they always say it's nine?

Maternity Clothes

I've had a few people ask me where I bought my maternity clothes once I started showing. The truth is, I started wearing maternity clothes the moment I started to feel uncomfortable (16 weeks). I quickly learned that my comfort was much more important to me than trying to fit into my non-preggo clothes. I don't think I really started showing until about 20 weeks. At 16 weeks I was still able to wear most of my normal tops, but I sprung for maternity leggings and skinny jeans right away. Matt had also bought me a belly band and that was really nice for those moments when I was lying to myself about the girth of my waist. Plus, I sit most of the day behind a desk and quite frankly, the button and zipper from my non-preggo pants were so annoying, I just couldn't be bothered.

The stores I had the most success with were H&M, Asos.com, Gap, Loft and Target.

Clothing Must-Haves

First, stop denying the inevitable and embrace it! While you are forced to say goodbye to your old body for a while, you are growing a precious child! It's a beautiful, beautiful thing.

- New Bras. You may have to do this a couple times! It feels so much better when the "girls" are comfortable. Plus your back will thank you. I also bought bigger sports bras. And quite frankly, when it was just me and Matt at home, I let them be free. Pregnancy boobies are so painful. Target has bras that won't break the bank and you can feel sort of okay about tossing if necessary. I also had some luck finding "nicer" bras at Nordstrom Rack.
- Maternity Tank Tops. Get all the colors. Yes, the ones made for baby bellies. At first you may not fill it out, but you will!! And you will be thankful! I layer the crap out of these babies. First wearing them under more "flowy" tops I already had. Then as things progressed, I'd wear them with cardigans, light jackets, and on their own (because my body temperature is on high!). Mine are from Target and Gap.
- Maternity Leggings. Yes, good ol' legging but with a bonus belly panel that fits over your belly. I have three pair and I wear all of them every week. I wear them with longer tops, with tanks, to bed... basically if they aren't dirty, they are on my body. Once I bought these, I felt like I could BREATHE.
- Maxi Skirts and Dresses. If I'm not wearing my leggings, then I have a maxi dress or skirt on. At about 8 months I realized that pants, maternity or not, are the devil. Swelling is part of the process when it comes to growing a baby and nothing reminds you more of that then a pair of pants. Do yourself a favor and buy a few dresses or skirts. Bonus, they don't always have to be maternity. I had the best luck with dresses and skirts at H&M and Target. I've also been able to wear a few I already had.

Your turn, any other mom's out there have suggestions for those seeking advice!?

Birth Plan

I had never heard of a birth "plan" before. I suppose, why would I? Before I became pregnant, educated myself and dug deeper into what it means to labor and give birth today (in hospitals and in the US), I always thought it was just instinctual. I thought you start to have contractions and things get going and then baby is born! This was my linear thought process- I am women= made to get pregnant= made to be able to give birth.

While my naivety wasn't completely off, I soon realized that today there are options and sometimes if you don't have your own opinion, you become subject to the "way" it's done. I learned that you have to voice what you want out of your own experience before it has even happened! I learned that MANY things could happen during labor and there are MANY options and when I have too many options in front of me then I can become flustered, confused and lose confidence.  The thought of this still seems so silly, but after educating myself about how hospital births generally go and realizing that was never what I envisioned for my own experience, I decided I needed to create a birth plan.

A birth plan is how you'd ideally wish your labor and birth experience to go. It's created in the event that should everything go well, you'd have the midwives, doctors, nurses and doula's follow your guidelines. It's also recommended to have this done because labor is freaking tiring, quite painful... it's labor and who wants to try to think about anything else but bringing baby safely into the world? However, I have an opinion, and I want to make it known. So why not be prepared and simply hand over a piece of paper to everyone that enters the room and not have to say anything?

Below is our birth plan. While it is a personal document, I think it's educational as well. I place no judgement on those who have a different plan. I think that's wonderful because it's yours! This is just what Matt and I would like if all goes smoothly and we can call the shots (or lack of shots... that will make sense only if you read the birth plan).

______________________________________

We have prepared for a natural, non-medicated childbirth. All of the below preferences are assuming mom and baby are healthy and safe.

In case of medical emergency, please take a look at cesarean preferences and we trust the doctors and nurses to make necessary choices.

Before Labor Begins:

- As long as baby and I are healthy, I'd like to go at least 10-14 days over my due date
- If induction is necessary, I would like to try natural induction techniques first: Breast stimulation, acupuncture, walking, intercourse, herbs

During Labor:

- I would like to labor at home as long as possible.

- I would like my husband, Matthew Melander and mother, Beth Roberts, with me at all times as well as Doula Jenna Hamel no matter what.

- No resident students attending my birth

- No IV, self-hydration instead. If IV is needed, please use a hep-lock IV

- No augmentation (ex: Pitocin, rupture of membranes)

- Freedom to wear my own clothes

- Freedom to walk around, use the shower/bath

- Intermittent Fetal monitoring, with doppler or remote.

- Freedom to eat and drink

Preferred Pain Relief:

- No medicinal intervention

- Use of breathing techniques

- Use of massage

- Use of water (bath/shower)

- Use of acupressure

- Use of guided relaxation

2nd Stage Labor:

- Use of a squatting bar and alternative positions for pushing (hands and knees, side-lying, standing, etc)

- No episiotomy, use of Perineal massage instead

- Baby to be placed on chest immediately

- Matthew Melander to cut cord after cord stops pulsing.

- Please allow for bonding and postpone routine procedures.

3rd Stage Labor:

- I would prefer the placenta to be born spontaneously without the use of pitocin and/or controlled traction on the umbilical cord.

Baby Care:

- Breastfeed as soon as possible

- All newborn routine procedures to be performed in my presence.

- Eye ointment and Vitamin K shot NOT to be given

- Full Rooming in of baby

- No supplementation with formula or glucose without parental consent.

- No pacifiers

- I prefer all immunizations to be postponed.

- Bathe baby after mom and baby have had bonding time

- I would like to see a lactation consultant

- If baby's health is in jeopardy, I'd like to express my milk for baby

- If the baby has any problems and needs to leave the room, I'd like my husband to be with the baby at all times.

If medically necessary, Cesarean Preferences:

- I would like to remain conscious

- I would like to have contact with the baby as soon as possible

- If possible discuss all anesthesia options with me

- Please discuss post-operative pain medication options with be before or immediately following the procedure

- I would like to sign an waivers necessary to permit me to be with my baby in recovery

Hey Baby: part 2

Hey Baby,

You are almost 37 weeks! I can't believe you could arrive any day now. Any moment I could start the process of welcoming you to the world! Dad is getting very excited. He's packed his hospital bag and has the car seat all ready for your first drive home. He talks to you all the time and loves feeling your punches and kicks. Speaking of, I now know what they mean when they say you can tell what body part is kicking, punching, sliding or flipping. I always thought it was odd when people would say, oh that's a foot, hand or elbow. But I totally know. Your little feet LOVE to hang out on my ribs. I wish I had a little more room to give you. You like to flip from side to side and I can feel your back pressing on my belly. I love rubbing your back and letting you know I'm here and you're not alone. Your elbows and hands like to jab into my hip and pelvis bones. That, I think, is the most awkward! You're sending mama to the bathroom more than ever before! I can't wait to meet you. Although they say it's best you wait for a few more weeks, just know, Mama and Dad are ready whenever you are.

Some things to note about me at this stage:
- I thought I was waddling before, but now, holy penguin mama. Imagine you have to walk without bending your knees. Well that's how I'm walking even though I can bend my knees!
- I LOVE WATERMELON. I'm thinking you do too because you wiggle and stretch every time I eat some. I'm on my second melon in two weeks.
- Getting up out of chairs, couches and bed are proving to be a difficult task. Your Dad never ceases to lend an arm.
- Fonzie has started to be mama's shadow. He loves to drape himself across my lap. I think he knows you're coming and already loves and is protective of you.
- You add, what feels like 5-10 degrees to my body temperature. You are a little furnace!
- I only wear skirts and dresses at this point. I think to myself, "what is the point of pants?" They're terrible and constricting and hot and really aide the waddle.

Love you forever,
Mama

Herbs and supplements during pregnancy

Like I've mentioned before, I lean toward a holistic approach to wellness. This includes the way I've been preparing for childbirth/labor as well as caring for my baby along the way. Because preggo brain has taken over, I thought it'd be a good idea to document what I've been doing/taking during pregnancy to prepare for his arrival and to remember if, God willing, we are able to have another child.

I am no expert, but I research the heck out of whatever I'm going to commit to. With all things trial and error are a part of the experience, but you know, when you've got a winner, well, you've won!

During Pregnancy:

Prenatal Vitamin : I've been taking Garden of Life, Vitamin Code RAW Prenatal since day one. If this were a planned pregnancy, I would have been taking them earlier on. What I like about them is that they are untreated with no binders or fillers and the nutrients are coming from real foods. You can read up on them here.

DHA supplements: Garden of Life, Ocean's Mom Prenatal DHA. DHA is important for both mom and baby. It can help enhance mom's breast milk and aid in balancing mood and emotional well-being and it's extremely important for the baby especially during the third trimester when baby's brain is rapidly growing. You can read about it here.

Pregnancy Tea: I've been drinking Traditional Medicinals Pregnancy Tea starting late second trimester and throughout my third. The herbs in the tea help tone the uterus to prepare for childbirth. Not to mention, it's pleasant to drink. Since I'm not the expert on the matter, it's probably better that you read about it.

Red Raspberry Leaf Tea: This is what I meant to buy before buying Pregnancy Tea. I switch it up and drink this too. I first read about Red Raspberry Leaf tea here, and continued my research and found that it's recommended by midwifes and doulas. My doula wrote about it here.

Birth/ Postpartum:

I haven't had the baby yet (duh, you'd know by now!), but in preparation for a natural birth, I've been reading about a few things that could help. The Motherlove website had some good readings and products like the sitz bath spray I plan to buy. I was  gifted their nipple cream and I've heard great things! Maybe I'll do an "after birth" post on what I think of these products.

I've also been reading about:
- Shepherd purse tincture should there be some heavy bleeding
- Blue cohosh if I'm WAY late
- Witch Hazel pads to ease perineum discomfort after labor.

Baby had a shower & musings

Two weekends ago, two dear friends threw Matt and I a baby shower! My mom and Mischon both flew in to help celebrate! Tessa and Sarah, the lovely hostesses, brought over decorations galore and we wined and dined all brunch long with sweet friends. I was overwhelmed with the love and support from our family and friends. Baby is one blessed little boy.

I'm about three weeks away from baby arrival! It's a little wild to think that he could be with us at any moment. Over the weekend Matt and I got our bags all packed and they are ready to go by the front door. Three in total, mine, his and babes. It's a little hard packing for someone who's not here yet. I don't know if he'll fit into the clothes I chose for him. I don't know if he'll be too hot or cold and quite frankly, I don't know if I have the right things packed! I've compared lots of lists as well as considered my Doula's recommendations. But who knows!?

The heat. Summer has arrived and HOLY CRAP does it feel like I'm wearing a down coat I can't take off. It's hard to think straight (pregnant brain, which is REAL, plus heat is a rude joke) and function in the heat. My mind goes to slush, my fingers and feet swell, my veins go from stream sized to rivers (think men on steriods). My upper lip has a perpetual sweatstache and I want to rip all clothes off. Too bad I'm sitting in my office and it's the HOTTEST room in the place. Cruel. Just. Cruel. I feel absolutely terrible for those who have to endure the whole summer. I want to send them all tickets to Antarctica. Or maybe the North Pole. Somewhere far away from the equator.

Pregnancy & Beauty Products

I've "inherited" my mother's love of beauty and skin products. It's not something I'm exactly proud of. The frugal side of me thinks, "what a waste of money." However, there's also the little girl who still hears her mother's voice in her head telling me to "take care of my skin now and I'll be thankful later."

Lotions, potions, vitamins, serums, you name it. I've tried it. It also helps (or doesn't) that my sister works for Sephora (I LOVE SAMPLES). The thing is, it used to just be about me. My skin, face, legs arms, my dark circles and dry scalp. Knowing that those creams (etc.) penetrate deeper than just the skin's surface, I've always been a little more interested in an "organic" or "all natural" approach to skin care. All the while, I'd still try out the latest "photo ready" foundation made with who knows what and how many chemicals. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I immediately cut it all out and started over. I sure as heck didn't want to put anything on my body that might affect my unborn child. For goodness sake, the little guy doesn't need unnecessary crap going through his developing veins. What is safe for me and for baby?

I asked around, consulted with friends, family, strangers at various beauty stores, and researched the interwebs. Below is what I utilize daily/ weekly to take care of myself and still take care that I'm not harming baby boy.

Burt's Bees Mama Bee Body Oil. For my ever growing belly. Smells so fresh. I apply immediately following a shower and before bed. I plan to continue to use this post natal.

Alba Botanica Body lotion. All over body lotion. SO moisturizing. Great for the Colorado dryness.

Avalon Organics Vitamin C Renewal Cream.  I use it both day and night.

Juice Beauty CC Cream. I wear it under foundation and by itself!

BareMinerals compact foundation. I find it to have great coverage and feels light and not heavy on my skin.

Tarte Maracuja Creaseless Concealer. I use it under my eyes and to cover up any blemishes. Blends so well and doesn't crease! Really!

Tarte Bronzer. For that extra glow.

Fresh Sugar Lip Balm in Coral. Hey pouty mouth.

Wen Cleansing Conditioner. For those times I actually wash my hair. This is all you need. In one bottle.

Nesting Online

Is it bad that I've only shopped for my child online? I have yet to set foot in a Babies R Us or Buy Buy Baby. I've stopped in a local shop but ended up talking to the store owner for an hour on cloth diapers and didn't do much "shopping."In fact, I walked out of there having bought two wool balls that go in the dryer to help your clothes dry more quickly. Nothing for baby.

Stores like Buy Buy Baby scare me. "Great Prices", "Sales" "Bargain Bins" all give me a little anxiety in a place that sells nothing but baby items. Are they really on sale or is everything else just jacked up so that I feel like I'm getting a deal? Does the sale bin mean something is wrong with it or got bad reviews? Some women refer to it as the mecca of baby stores, but how does a person choose anything when faced with 100 strollers to choose from? Phew, I'm tired and my feet are aching just from thinking about it.

I created my registry online. I've done all my research online. I bought everything for the nursery online (aside from the occasional thrifted item and things I already had/saved). I compared ratings and reviews and watched YouTube videos on products. Does this make me a lazy mom/person?

I can't help but notice moms and moms-to-be on Facebook raving about shopping at these baby stores and having a blast creating their registry. I had a ton of fun doing that with Matt when we created our wedding registry at certain stores, however I feel like so much of the "need to have" baby items out there are just a way to get me to spend money on things I'll never use. Don't get me wrong. This girl LOVES to shop. Pretty packaging and smart and creative branding has a way of wooing me. Maybe I just know myself. Maybe I'm just subconsciously playing defense against my shopping self? Or maybe stores like that bring out the indecisive Lindsay. That Lindsay, when surfaced, usually brings out the worst. And we already know what that can be/feel like. No thanks, said everybody.

P.S. 34 going on 35 weeks!

Tearful Days

I probably could have watered my plants with the amount of tears I produced this weekend. Obviously tears are too salty for plants, but that was an attempt of an analogy, people.

Pregnancy hormones are not to be messed with. In general, I would say 90% of the time I'm stable, calm, collected (albeit tired), levelheaded and easygoing. The other 10%... well, you better watch out. For me, it's like PMS, but on steroids and with a side of crazy.

My reasons for being upset this weekend were valid, yes, but the way I felt was as though the world would cave in and swallow me with it. I'd like to think that if I weren't pregnant I would have been able to see through the clouds only after a few hours; like it does normally to get over things. However, it took every ounce of my energy and every minute of this weekend. Truth is, I still feel residual fatigue.

At one moment during my tear fest, I had a side thought and wondered if this is anything close to what PPD feels like? If so, then I'm SCARED. Then I got to thinking that my little episode would probably only scratch the surface of how PPD affects women. Then I feared - for women who do and would have to get through PPD.

I've read depression during pregnancy can happen. I wouldn't label myself depressed, but I would say I have definite low days. There is so much "new" I'm experiencing, emotionally, physically and mentally and it is taxing. It is difficult at times when the closest person to me is the opposite sex and could never fully understand what I'm going through. I have looked to my mother, friends and those who are currently pregnant, and while they are all insightful, the reality is that each experience is different. Sure, we share a common bond, but there is a level to which we can't take ownership as to what another is feeling. It is theirs, and mine is mine. And there are days when it is lonely.

Midwifery

The other day I interviewed a midwife in the interest of potentially transferring from my OBGYN to her practice.

As I get closer to 40 weeks, I'm more and more sure of my wanting to give birth naturally and without pain intervention by way of medicine. While I like my OB as a person and respect him immensely, we don't align when it comes to how one views labor and birth (go figure I find this out after 32 weeks. Rookie). He tends to lean toward pain intervention as soon as possible as well as the thinking that a woman should dilate a cm an hour and if not other steps are taken to move you along (Read: pitocin, c-section) Everything I'm reading and learning about says that first time moms can be in labor for 20 hours or longer and as long as baby and mom are ok that time frame is ok. While some women feel as though they would like for their labor to end as quickly as possible, I want to experience it, pain, length and all. The whole process from conception to birth is absolutely miraculous and I want to experience my bodies raw instinct to do what it was made made for. My whole life has been leading up to this point, and gosh darn it, I'm never fun to be around when I'm rushed (ask my husband).

My worst fear in labor is that I'm rushed into a procedure unnecessarily; that I'm not given all of the options but the one opinion and option that my OB wants. I need full disclosure to feel comfortable. I know I have no control as to what/how my body will react, however, I want to know all of my options and make the best decision for me and baby during that time. I fear that my OB will just choose based upon his (granted, very educated) very obstetrical (Read: surgeon) practice.

Midwives are trained in everything labor and delivery EXCEPT when it's time for a c-section. They tend to aire on the side of natural birth. They are taught counter-pressure for when contractions are exceptionally uncomfortable and painful. They support other birthing positions that make the most biological sense, i.e. standing, on all fours, squatting etc. They tend to utilize water/ baths as a way of relaxation and they are trained to help coach women through their contractions rather than dangle the carrot of pain meds.

Personally, I tend to lean toward an all natural lifestyle and the way of the midwives just fits me better. So, what if things go wrong and I need a c-section? I'm immediately sent to their partnering physicians and they take care of me and baby just as my OB would.

I feel guilty for leaving my doctor after all the attention and kindness he has shown me, but then again, I'm the one pregnant and having a baby.

p.s. I highly recommend you watch the documentary, The Business of Being Born.

Poop Catchers

Matt and I unintentionally spent over an hour at a local baby store called The Giggling Green Bean this past weekend. Our eyes have opened (wide) to world of cloth diapers and what it entails in the year 2013. Let me tell you A LOT has changed and for the better. It's totally do-able (well it always has been) but they have evolved into today's society of "necessary" convenience.

Did you know:
Parents use approximately 3,800 disposable diapers in one year (hello landfill)? That adds up to approximately ONE THOUSAND dollars in poop catchers. The average disposable wearing baby starts potty training around year 2 (take a moment to calculate...).

Now, you'll need a total of 24 cloth diapers for the entirety of your baby's diapering needs. That could add up to approximately $500...total. Also, none of them reach the stink-pot landfill.

Those statistics alone made Matt speechless. He was ready to learn more. So we dug deeper. We asked about hygiene and sanitation; we looked at at least 5 different types of cloth diapers; we learned about caring and upkeep of the diapers... we even learned that many babies who wear cloth diapers are more likely to start potty training early... as soon as 1 year! That is due to the baby being more aware of it's bodily functions because the diaper doesn't wick away all the moisture.

We walked out of there amazed and empowered that maybe we could go this route for our boy. I was so proud of Matt. He said he's "all in" and that's a HUGE statement coming from someone who told me he'll have to ease into handling poopy diapers only a couple weeks ago. The fact that he's willing to take the extra step and go cloth... well, let's just say I respect my hubs more and more each day and am thankful I have a truly wonderful and supportive man as my partner in life.. catching poop and all.

Pregnancy & Dreams

Pregnancy dreams are wild. I read that things can become vivid and seem real. But I didn't read or hear about how on top of being vivid and seemingly "real" they are also wildly fantastic and ridiculous! They started early on and have become increasingly outrageous the closer I get to full term. I've dreamed some pretty incredible stories so far. Some dreams are scary and cause me a little anxiety, but I think I'd be a little strange if anxiety wasn't in the mix of emotions I ride out on a daily basis. It's not like I've done this before. This is my first pregnancy rodeo!

Dreams to note:
- I was a black woman
- Fonzie was the same but the size of a horse. And I was walking him. Not riding him, like you would a horse. Kind of like Clifford The Big Red Dog.
- Many people from my past joining on my adventures
- Worrisome dreams that I'll end up alone
- Stressful dreams that I need to escape from my job
- Scary dreams that something is wrong or happens to the baby
- Funny dreams where I wake up smiling or laughing
- Zombies


It's amazing just how vivid and vibrant these dreams are. If only I could capture them.

Lindsay

p.s. I'm 31 weeks today :)